As wonderful as co-sleeping was for us, we of course acknowledge that it depends on the baby, the mother and the father. We liked it because it provided the way to a happy, well-slept family!
1. More physical contact--As far as I'm concerned, the more I get to touch my baby the better. I'm sure there are tons of studies that would prove that it makes him smarter and keeps him from getting too fat and stuff like that, but I just miss him when he's not close. -Ariel
2. Keep close tabs on temperature, etc--When you have a new baby, it's nice to be close enough to monitor him all the time. On more than one occasion, I woke up just because I noticed Abe had a fever, and was able to make adjustments to cool him down before he even woke up. Likewise, I could put on an extra blanket if he was too cold. I have heard that when you control for alcohol and drug abuse, co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS. Makes sense to me. -Ariel
3. Positive association with sleep and night time--In my opinion, learning to sleep well is a life-skill. Many children are afraid of the dark, and scream and cry when it's time to go to bed. I want to teach Abe that nighttime is not scary or sad, but rather is a time to be comfortable and rest. -Ariel
4. Teach not to cry--Being there for Abraham, in the same bed, has kept him from crying. He knows he can ask for things, with a "please" and he can usually have them. Co-sleeping has given him the opportunity to communicate his needs through hand signs, attempts at words, and even facial expressions before he ever makes it to crying. -Andrew
5. Stay asleep to feed--Self explanatory. It was a beautiful day when I learned to nurse lying down. -Ariel
6. Build trust-- Co-sleeping shows Abe that our hands are stretched out still (2 Ne. 15:25). Throughout his life we will always be there for him, and his infant stage is no exception. He can depend on us. Babies are going through so much so quickly--physically, emotionally, and mentally--having two people they can count on all of the time, 24 hours a day, can only help in the transition to mortality. When the Savior saw the Nephite people's eyes well up in tears, He had compassion, so much so that he put off other important duties and stayed with them to heal, comfort, teach and perform miracles among them. They simply asked through their faces if "He would tarry a little longer with them." I think a clear parallel can be drawn to parenting. -Andrew
7. Both of you sleep better-- This was especially the case for the first year of Abe's life. He would breathe more easily, and sleep lots longer when he was in our bed. And if baby's sleeping well, mom can too! -Ariel
8. That's what I would prefer if I were a baby-- Babies are people. Not only that, but they are the most important kind of person. If the Golden Rule applies anywhere, it applies to those who cannot help themselves. -Andrew
9. Keep Dad involved in the parenting-- I have been able to carry Abe and sing him to sleep, change midnight dipes, and take him out of the bedroom first thing in the morning so his Mommy can get more rest. In other words, I am involved in his life in ways and at times that I probably would not be if Ariel were always the one to go in and feed and take care of him at night, or if we left him to fight it out on his own. I'm so glad to be a part of it. -Andrew
10. Family beds are fun!--I loved waking up and seeing Abe sleeping sweetly. I loved even more Abe waking me up with a pat on the face and a big grin. Going to sleep is also a fun time to wind down as a family, laughing and playing a little. It's fun. -Andrew
Update: Abe just turned 16 months old, and no longer sleeps in our bed. We made the transition when we came back to Provo in September. We felt some anxiety over the transition, but Abe handled it perfectly well which showed us that he was ready for the transition. We have a night time routine of bathing, massaging, reading, and singing. He falls asleep peacefully without a cry typically within 5 to 10 minutes of our songs. He wakes up happy the next morning and simply calls out to us "Mama" or "Gag" (which is his latest and by far most successful attempt at "Dad"), or once he got out of bed in his adjoining room and came and knocked on our bedroom door.
Sometimes we miss having him in our bed (and he still joins us when he's sick or we're on vacation), but this is the best option for us now. He just got too wiggly to stay in our bed!
9 comments:
Awesome post, guys! I loved it. Might have to get you guys to guest post on PP sometime... :) In terms of SIDS reduction, I've read that being close to the mom helps the baby regulate its own breathing (babies sleeping alone have more episodes of sporadic breathing and skipping breaths), keep a steady body temperature and a healthy heart rate. And all mama has to do to make sure all that happens is sleep next to him!
I just wanted to say that I think it's awesome that co-sleeping worked for Abe, and it is clear to me from your examples that it did. I also appreciate that you put in there that it depends on the baby....no matter how we tried to arrange it, from day one, NOBODY slept in our bed when cpc was in it. We finally discovered the reason...you can look at our last post on our blog. But there are definitely some kids and families that it just doesn't work for! Sometimes I feel like attachment parenting doesn't give room for that, but that's totally my focus in parenting....so again, thanks for recognizing that!
Our friend Spencer Mangum sent us this helpful article in conjunction with this post. It shows the benefits and risks of co-sleeping, depending on the situation.
http://www.docstoc.com/docs/15019926/Why-babies-should-never-sleep-alone-A-review-of-the-co-sleeping
Learning to nurse lying down saved me too :) And co-sleeping was definitely the best option for us as well!
I love you all the more for loving little Abe in that way. The photos are so tender! It's a little late for us to try co-sleeping, but as soon as I get used to sleeping with Dad, I could think about it. . . . ;) I did learn to nurse lying down--that was lovely.
Loved this post (adored the photos)! I have lots to say about this subject, so this is going to be long.
When Samuel was a newborn, he would usually come straight to bed with me. After a few weeks, we started him out in his own little bed, right next to ours, then eventually he would join us when he wanted to eat. This arrangement lasted quite a while. I loved sleeping with him, and felt secure doing so (though there are obvious precautions to take...). But somehow, around 8 months (?), we got to the point where he was waking up 8 times a night to "nurse," and even though I would nurse lying down, I could not function during the day. I could not accomplish what I needed to and I was not the person (or the mother!) I wanted to be. I'm sure there was a way we could have corrected this problem while continuing to co-sleep, but I was so tired, I just couldn't stay awake to try. One day we decided not to co-sleep anymore, though he was still sleeping right by us in his crib. This was a very hard decision, and though things improved, still the wakings would occur (less than before but still too much), and still, nobody was happy. Finally Keenan decided we would move to the other room on the futon, and he would go into Sam. This really helped, especially when I stopped feeding him at night. We used some ideas detailed in Tracy Hogg's "Baby Whisperer," which we highly recommend (as you know). As soon as I heard about "crying it out," my heart absolutely refused to let him, and I am grateful I was true to that intuition, for it was not for Samuel.
I don't really know why co-sleeping didn't work for us. I do know that Sammy sleeps much better when we are in different rooms, which I feel okay about now that he's over a year old. Now he generally sleeps 11-hour nights with occasional wakings during rough bouts of teething. Even when he wakes, he just needs some cuddles, soft words, and occasionally something for the pain, and he can go back to sleep. If he wakes other than that, he can put himself back to sleep, which he could not do before. On occasion, he just needs to know we're there, and he'll plop himself right back down and be asleep in no time.
That being said, here are a few things I have come to believe very strongly about babies and nighttime:
1) While nursing lying down is a wonderful blessing, it's important to make sure baby gets a full feed each time (obviously goes for daytime feeds too). If he falls asleep before he gets to the high-calorie milk, he'll want to nurse more often (honestly hungry!), and may possibly not gain the weight he needs. I think this was part of Sammy's excessive waking. He wasn't ever finishing -- he'd just suck on and off all night long. Sometimes the sucking would not include milk at all.
2) Babies can go without eating in the night a lot sooner than we might think. I stopped nursing Samuel cold one night (at that point, he was only asking to eat once, maybe twice), and after a quick adjustment, he stopped needing it. I think we could have done that much earlier than we did.
3) Babies should go to bed early. I know Sammy needs every minute of those 11 hours at night and 2 or so during the day to be happy. When he's deprived of enough sleep, like any of us, he cannot function at his best. And he needs all the energy he can get right now!
4) As long as parents are consistent in their efforts, babies CAN be sleep-trained! Even though we chose a gentle way, it's hard to stick to it sometimes, but I know it's best for our family, and I feel Heavenly Father has guided us to this end.
I'm so glad co-sleeping was a successful experience for your family, and I admire you for sticking to it amidst so many voices saying "No!" Sometimes I wish we could have a big cuddly family bed, but Sammy always comes to our bed when he wakes in the morning, and those moments together are the best of the whole day. So I'll take it.
What fun pictures...and memories! Abe's little squishy face is definitely our favorite!!
You guys are such sweet and loving parents. I hope you have a whole brood of those adorable squishy faces! :)
I admire anyone who co-sleeps. I think it's so good for mother and baby. I can't stand it past the first 3-4 months. They get too big and wiggly and I'm the type that needs my space. I was so bummed after my c-section that I couldn't nurse on my side for so long. It hurt too bad. I remember when I discovered it with Marshall! It was a beautiful thing :)
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